September has arrived, so it’s time for incoming students to choose college courses. But some class names can be confusing, and explanations in online catalogs are often vague or difficult to follow.

Rather than wasting time looking for things, browse through these descriptions of what some actual, albeit oddly named, courses in Vermont colleges are really about – probably, maybe.

ARC 1211 CAD I

Vermont Community College

All the essentials of disrespectful dating behavior: ghosting, bang and bounce, and describing social media exploits. You will leave this course as an Expert Cad, Thug, Blackguard, Bound, Rake, and Smelly. While these skills have traditionally been coded as masculine, the professor is engaged in cutting-edge research on the female caddy. Students are strongly discouraged from dating anyone they meet in class.

GSFS 0489 Craft monsters

Middlebury College

Of course, you should raise your kids to be polite, considerate and kind – if you want them to languish in mediocrity all their lives (and not have enough money to take care of you when you’re old) . But what if you prefer to raise a dominant force that wins at all costs? Starting with that of Niccolò Machiavelli The prince, this course examines repressed yet brutally effective techniques that can help you raise your own little one Bill Gates, Leona Helmsley, Mark Zuckerberg, or Jeff Bezos.

AHS 1330 FYS: Be here on purpose

University of Northern Vermont-Johnson

Don’t overthink it. Despite the aggressive title – who puts “fuck you” in a class name, even as an acronym? – this is the smoothest course in the Brave Little State. Attendance counts for 100 percent of your grade. Everyone does stuff on their phones, including the teacher. It is not clear what happens if you go to class by accident.

GERM 106 My best friend, the dictionary

University of Vermont

The saddest class title of all time. Someone from the faculty should quietly adopt this professor as a buddy. Remember when you were 4 years old and the kids on the playground were like, “Do you want to be my friend? We can still do it.

ENVS 275 D2: Bird watching to change the world

University of Vermont

I’m not sure how birdwatching could change the world, but it’s probably more effective than harassing or harassing him.

FS-116 Snow: Art & Science

Saint Michel College

A teacher from this Catholic college had a great idea: work with what God gives you! And God gives Vermonters lots and lots of snow. At first, students observe snowflakes under a microscope while trying to keep them frozen. Good luck! Over the next few weeks, they turn to making snow sculptures and then, of course, it’s time for epic snowball battles and cocoa. Be sure to bring mittens to class. (Winter term only.)

SA 205 Water Media

Norwich University

Artistic expression through ice sculpture, messages in bottles and the dumping of vats of green dye into rivers on St. Patrick’s Day. One of the most practical and commercially viable fields of art.

ANTH 124 People, Poison, Location

University of Vermont

An in-depth review of Superfund college sites (aka the dorms). Hazards include toxic clouds of Ax brand hairspray and fragrance, blue-green islands floating in old coffee mugs, fast food shakes that don’t melt in all weather and kombucha.

MUS 1041 Piano Class

Vermont Community College

You obviously won’t be playing Billy Joel songs, or even Elton John songs. These will either be classical works (duh) or a few less gritty types of jazz, like Oscar Peterson or Keith Jarrett.

ASCI 038 Understand and speak the dog

University of Vermont

Weft! Weft! Grrrrrr, eh! Ahooooooo.

GEO 2110 Time and Space in North America

Prerequisite: OER 1225 Triggering in a wild canoe

Castleton University

This course explores all the ways that time and space are different here in Vermont. Have you ever noticed that there is a time bubble folded across five dimensions that wraps around each of us? By week four you will be able to see it.

FLL 1010 Immersion Experience

Northern Vermont University (Johnson and Lyndon)

Cannonballs, baptisms or synchronized swimming? You decide. Meet at the pool. Optional floats.

BIO 2165 Flora of Vermont

Castleton University

A very interesting course on the little known medieval warrior queen, now forgotten since Joan of Arc and Boudicca became so fashionable. She is the distant ancestor of Bernie Sanders, Trey Anastasio and Ben and Jerry.

OER 1225 Triggering in a wild canoe

Castleton University

Students only go to soft lakes, of course. You wouldn’t want to stumble in a whitewater raft or a tricky kayak, right? Students bring their own coloring book.

SWK 1810 Early Field

Castleton University

The students get out on the quad and throw a Frisbee. Sounds awesome, doesn’t it? Read the title again. Class starts at dawn.

FS-112 Drama and Culture

Saint Michel College

In this course, students talk about reality TV shows. It’s harder than it looks, however. If you don’t know any of the potential wives from “The Bachelor” or all of the “Real Housewives of Scranton,” other college students can be pretty brutal.

PRNU 240 Iss & Ldrs Prf Nurses Thr & Ptm

University of Vermont

Th nurs teacher hs mny srius prblms in strctr ‘n orgztn. Hwvr i didnt get a copy of this nm from this class when i abbvtd it now i dont know what sppsd 2b abt was.

CS 150 CIS I

Sterling College

An exploration of feeling comfortable in the sex you were assigned to at birth. The class is naturally divided into two sections, the pink and the blue. The pink section focuses on fashion, celebrity gossip and decor planning for the homes of their future families; the blue section comes out to fight and fart and argue over unnecessary status hierarchies. (Note: This class may be phased out in the coming years.)

PSYS 252 Emotional development and temperament

University of Vermont

Everyone has known the devil in their daily life, but where does he come from? How can it be managed? Is Satan really the cause or just an outdated metaphor?

AS 199 Pilot Ground School in Aerospace Sciences

Norwich University

Of course you want to be an aerospace science pilot. Everyone does it! But no aerospace science airline will let you start flying without any training.

ES 199 Pilot course in environmental sciences

Norwich University

There are of course many types of science pilots. Aerospace science pilots get all the fame because everyone loves astronauts, and Elton John and David Bowie both made romantic songs about them. But maybe you should think of training as an environmental science pilot, the newest and most sensitive type of science pilot?

SOAN 1034 The War of the Skulls

Middlebury College

Who would have guessed that the most badass college class in Vermont would be in Middlebury, kindhearted and grinding? Impressive! Live music from the heavy metal band Pantera during lessons.

DNCE 005 D2: Introduction to the cult of world dance

University of Vermont

Frankly, I find it irresponsible to introduce a cult to impressionable students, but if you must, it could just as easily be based on the dance of the world.

SA 188 No Norwich equivalent

Norwich University

What? Is there a course at Norwich University called “No Norwich Equivalent”? That’s right, this mind-boggling philosophy course digs deep into paradoxes. (The original title, “This is not a class at Norwich University,” seemed a little too obvious.) In the first session there are two instructors: one cannot tell the truth and one cannot speak the truth. other cannot lie. Are they the same? Is individuality itself an illusion?

ECSP 202 D2: EI for infants and toddlers

University of Vermont

Chess fans know that D2: E1 refers to the move in which your opponent picks up your queen with a pawn after walking all the way up your unprotected chess board, and then you inexplicably fail to use your queen or king just to capture. this impudent peasant. Granted, this doesn’t come up very often in games. But this is a class on teaching chess to infants and toddlers, and they’re not very savvy yet.